Friday, August 3, 2012

The ‘Drews: An Origin Story

Every good superhero needs an origin story.  Like Peter Parker getting bit by some mutant insect and becoming Spiderman.  Or Superman crash-landing on Earth and finding that the new planet activated his latent superpowers. (Okay, I had to look that second one up.)
Well, there is also an origin story for the dynamic duo of Frandrew and Kendrew.  Here is where some people might say, “Frandrew and Kendrew? Superheroes?”  Well, hear me out.  First of all, the term super has been applied to us many times.  As in, “Those two are super creepy.”  Or, “Wow, talk about super-hammered-drunk.”  As for the hero part, well, I think our combined decade-plus of lifeguarding at the beaches of Loch Peach should speak for themselves.  Up until now, we have tried not to think of ourselves as heroes, but beach-goers have attached that label to us many times. 
So now to the origin story of Frandrew and Kendrew, or more to the point, to the origin story of the suffix –drew.  Why do we constantly add –drew to the end of our names every time we do something stupid?  In Little League, we had a coach/mentor who will remain anonymous here.  For the purposes of the story, we’ll just give him the pseudonym Mr. Nov.  As some of you already know, Mr. Nov got stuck with one of the worst players in the league, Andrew, and put him in right field game after game.  The problem was, the ball sometimes got hit to right field, at which point Andrew would retreat to what we called the “bomb shelter.”  In other words, Andrew hid under his mitt, winced, and prayed the ball wouldn’t hit his leather-protected dome. 
But why Frandrew? Why Kendrew?  Well, I don’t want to say that Ken and Fran were awesome at baseball, but they were both extremely terrific at baseball.  On the rare occasion when one of them made a mistake, like failing to turn a double into a triple, Mr. Nov would cry out “Frandrew!” or “Kendrew!”
The term was later applied to any individual doing anything dumb. For instance, “Chrisdrew, why are you shitting off the boat and using the moving water as a bidet?”  Or, “Kendrew, that girl had a unibrow!” Or, “Frandrew was wearing his pleather jacket again last night...”
This summer, Kendrew and Frandrew embark on perhaps their most excellent adventure yet.  Please follow along and stop acting like such a –drew yourself.
 

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